How often do you find yourself saying you “have to” do something?
- “I have to get this presentation ready.”
- “I have to help this customer.”
- “I have to take my kids to soccer practice.”
If you’re like me, you can find yourself saying “have to” all the time – really without thinking about it. It comes almost naturally. We don’t necessarily mean anything by it. We’re simply saying we need to do that task.
But what I have found is that I’m subconsciously emphasizing a sense of obligation. Isn’t that how it feels when we stop to think about it? We’re obligated to do this or that. And, while that may be true, it doesn’t put us in the best frame of mind. Drudging through the day going from one obligatory task to another isn’t exactly a happy life.
What if you change “have to” to “GET to”? Here’s what you have now:
- “I get to get this presentation ready.”
- “I get to help this customer.”
- “I get to take my kids to soccer practice.”
More positive. More enthusiasm. A bigger sense of possibility, optimism, and appreciation.
Now, I’m a practical realist, so this isn’t about trying to make things all sunshine and roses. This is about a slight wording change that leads to a big perspective change.
I first tried this a few years ago during my full-time HR job. In the midst of investigations, employee issues (like employee tattling, for instance), and nonstop emails, each day was feeling really heavy. So, I tried entering a situation or email telling myself this was something I got to do. That I got to help this leader, or I got to solve this problem. It didn’t make everything perfect. But it helped me view the day much more positively. And I actually did a better job at the tasks themselves. I had more energy, was more creative, and got things done faster. Overall, it made me a healthier person.
What’s great is this can be helpful in any area of your life – employee, leader, parent, spouse, friend, anything! I’m finding it very helpful now with the parenting tasks that can start to feel mundane and routine.
When I first left my job to stay home with my daughter (who was 11 months at the time), one of the things I was really excited about was getting to have breakfast and lunch with her every day. Fast forward a year, and I started catching myself in “have to” mode. I have to make breakfast, have to make lunch. While I still enjoyed our time together, the sense of mundane and routine had set in. By catching this and intentionally changing into “get to” mode, I’m reminded of the gift and privilege this sweet opportunity is every day.
As you tackle your to-do list and various responsibilities throughout the day, be aware of your mindset as you start each item. See if there are opportunities to switch from have to into get to. And let me know how it impacts your day!
Photo: Sunrise on Haleakala in Maui during our 1-year anniversary in 2012!
