He’s here!!! Just 3 days after writing about my hospital bag packing list for baby #2, I was holding him in my arms! Joel Baker Mills, Jr., was born on September 4, 2021. We are overjoyed with this sweet baby and have been spending the last few weeks focusing on settling in as a family of 4!
One of the biggest things I focused on in our baby prep was how to introduce him to Katherine. She was almost 2 1/2 years old when Baby Joel was born. She was so sweet during the pregnancy, patting my belly and talking about all the ways she would play with baby. So, I knew she would be really nurturing and loving. But I also knew this would be very new for her. Due to COVID, we haven’t been going a lot of places, so she had never actually seen a baby before! She’d only read about them in books.
I really wanted this to be a great experience for her. I wanted her to love being a big sister and be excited about Baby Joel being here in real life. And look at the sweet excitement on her face!
Now that we’re a few weeks in, I’ve been able to reflect on our introduction and what things worked great as well as what things didn’t go so well. I share them with you in hopes they are helpful for you! Here are tips for introducing a new baby to your toddler:
Talk about Baby a Lot during Pregnancy
I’m so glad we did this! We talked often about what the baby would be like. Katherine loved talking about things she’d get to do with baby. She would talk about toys she’d share with him or how he’d get to sit in her high chair when he was older. Talking about him so frequently seemed to really help her have an idea of what this would be like. We also gave her this really sweet book from Wonderbly about being a big sister, which we read a lot as we neared the due date. Joel took a picture of me reading this book to her before naptime the day before he was born! I was already having contractions, and we knew he’d be here soon!
Praise Your Toddler
We talked a lot about what a great big sister Katherine would be. All the things she’d get to do with baby and how helpful she was going to be to Mommy and Daddy. We wanted her to know we believed in her and we knew she was going to be great. I think talking about everything so positively helped things to go positively!
Build Excitement for the Introduction
We involved Katherine in as much baby prep as we could, from going to pick out furniture to putting his clothes in his dresser. This seemed to make it feel more and more real to her.
For the meeting day itself, we got them coordinating big sister / little brother outfits. These were absolutely adorable! Katherine knew what hers looked like but didn’t see his until he wore it, and it made her really excited to see that he had a shirt like hers.
Sibling gifts were something we knew we wanted to do. Stuffed animals are really big in our house, so, we got them similar ones. I love Cuddle + Kind, so we let Katherine pick out one of the small stuffed animals for her to give Baby Joel. (She chose Evan the elephant!) Then, we ordered the larger girl version of the elephant for Baby Joel to give to her.
Keep the Introduction Low-Key
Due to COVID, we knew that Katherine unfortunately wouldn’t be able to come into the hospital to meet Baby Joel. But we wanted her to meet him as early as possible. So, we did the next best thing! Joel picked up Katherine and brought her to pick Baby Joel and me up from the hospital when we were discharged. So, she met us on the sidewalk as the nurse wheeled us out! And we sat in the back of my SUV for a few minutes so she could see Baby Joel up close and touch him.
We laughed about this idea, because you see all kinds of “Instagram-worthy” meeting moments these days, and this was definitely not that kind of thing! But it was so perfect for us. It was real life and full of smiles and love. (And don’t get me wrong – we have the most adorable pictures out of this! Much better than if I’d tried to stage anything.)
The thing is, you don’t want to stress about everything being some high level of “perfect.” What we all see on social media is just a moment in time – one certain aspect a person chooses to share. What’s much more important is creating the kind of experience and memories you want for yourself and your family.
Plus, you’re dealing with little ones. So, keep everything realistic and be able to go with the flow! (For instance, we ended up doing the sibling gifts a few days later when things had settled a bit.)
Help Toddler as the Baby Cries
Hearing a baby cry was an entirely new experience for Katherine. And it was very upsetting for her that first day. (Part of that was probably the late schedule I talk about next.) Everything seemed okay until he was crying as I was helping Katherine into her seat for dinner. My dad was holding Baby Joel, and Katherine kept telling me to go hold the baby. I told her we needed to get her ready for dinner, and she started to cry.
Looking back, I think everything might have been okay had I gone to hold him like she wanted me to. So, I’d encourage you to listen to your toddler. Pay attention to their body language and what they’re sensing the baby needs. I’ve found one way of meeting my toddler’s needs is being sensitive to what she feels the baby needs. It helps her to feel secure knowing that everyone is being taken care of. And she now understands that crying is how he communicates with us.
Try to Avoid a Late Toddler Bedtime
Our hospital was kind enough to really work with us so we’d only have to stay one night. I was ready to get home! What this also meant was we weren’t discharged until about 7:00pm. We got home around the time we’re usually heading to do Katherine’s bath and bedtime routine – and we all still had to eat dinner! While we had a lot of really special moments that night, I know that it was very draining for Katherine as well.
It’s a lot to ask a toddler to experience this incredibly new dynamic in the midst of having a late dinner and bedtime. So, try to keep bedtime as close to on time as possible, especially that first night. (That becomes harder and harder as the days and weeks go on with a newborn – I’m not sure we’ve been completely on time yet!)
Be Patient and Kind
This is new for EVERYONE – you included! Be patient and kind with each other, and with yourself. The more you try to be relaxed with this, the better environment you’ll create. Whether the introduction lives up to your hopes or not, everything will be fine. And everyone will be fine. Keeping believing this! You’ve got this!
